More anger

A while back I made note of the fact that I was thinking about anger and illness. Two things came out of that humble comment. 1) People were concerned that I was angry. What shocked me was that they thought my anger was a problem. Had I been angry it still would not have been a problem. No more than any other healthy emotion. You know, joy, sadness, fear, pensiveness. 2) It became clear that anger carries a stigma. Anger = Problem. Well, not in my book.

This is the last note I will make as a result of reading the Gabor Mate book mentioned in my last note.

About anger...

The repression of anger and the unregulated acting-out of it are both examples of the abnormal release of emotions that is at the root of disease. If in repression the problem is a lack of release, acting out consists of an equally abnormal suppression of release alternating with unregulated and exaggerated venting. I had a fascinating conversation with Allen Kaplin, a physician and psychotherapist in Toronto. He points out that both repression and rage represent a fear of the genuine experience of anger.

Healthy anger is an empowerment and a relaxation. The real experience of anger "is physiologic experience without acting out. The experience is one of a surge of power going through the system, along with a mobilization to attack. There is, simultaneously, a complete disappearance of all anxiety.

If anger is relaxation, then what is rage? When I am in a rage, my face is tight, muscles tense, and I look anything but relaxed. "The question is, What do people really experience when they experience rage? It's fascinating to ask people. If you really ask, the majority will describe anxiety." [272-273 When the Body Says No]

So acting out and repression are both ways to avoid feeling one's emotions. What does this tell us, for example, about one of our favorite forms of entertainment ? (Violence) The hero gets angry and reacts. The master gets angry and responds.

OH! Now I'm really mad! ;(

Healing with "negative thinking"

I’ve been moved to re-read Gabor Mate’s book “When the Body Says No / Understanding the Stress Disease Connection” and last night this paragraph really jumped out at me.

In order to heal, it is essential to gather the strength to think negatively. Negative thinking is not a doleful, pessimistic view that masquerades as “realism.” Rather, it is a willingness to consider what is not working. What is not in balance? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to? Without these questions, the stress responsible for our lack of balance will remain hidden. (p. 244)

I have yet to find a better book on the connection between emotions and disease.

The book draws on a wealth of scientific research showing that for a wide variety of illnesses, a self-effacingly positive attitude will expedite the disease process and kill you faster.

horoscopes and your path

There are two basic philosophies when it comes to horoscopes, animal signs, and kua numbers. Your sign is who you are, OR your sign is your homework. I believe that you have a choice about how you behave and the events that make up your life. I believe your attitude is everything. And that the way you embrace or reject those things you perceive as “challenges” in your life determines so much about the life you live. The forecast for anyone who is born in this firey year of the Ox is that they will be especially challenged when it comes to parenting, and performing in the roles of either father or mother. To me this means they can make their lives miserable by turning their backs on these possible parts of their lives, OR they can enrich their lives tremendously by embracing parenthood and the male or female roles (which, for them, will most likely be more challenging than for people born in different years). Similarly, if your sign is one that traditionally does not deal well with conflict, then your choices about conflict will set the tone for your life.
The easy things. The things you do so well. The things at which other people marvel. Your strengths. You can rely on them. And no doubt your success depends on them. But your perceived weaknesses? Accept that you shouldn’t even try? Or never give your best because it won’t work out well anyway? Ignore them at your own peril. Choose to make them worse, and they will reward you for your lack of effort. As a dragon I could dread the arrival of the next dog year, but instead I consider it my greatest opportunity for growth and self-discovery. I relish the opportunity to be tested.

Personally, I am a dragon about to marry a dog. I know. (On the surface) Completely inauspicious. We should not get along at all. We are both kua 9, kindred spirits. And most importantly, I/we embrace the difference, the challenge and reward for being with someone so different. We love each other. We make something together that neither of us has ever made apart. That is worth fighting for, committing to, and growing.

If you are willing to see, there is more you can be.